Monday, October 19, 2009


Stream of consciousness....

I drive home on the backroads when I can...I mean I hit the highway and then at the first feasible chance I find a way to get home where I'm not going to be frustrated by traffic.  Chalk it up to the fact that for more decades than I wish to count I've worked very early in the morning and the only thing I have contend with at that hour are drunks.  I'm used to drunk drivers...I can't handle the maniacs in regular traffic.

So I'm driving home today on a little used road by our home called "Lookout."   Amy and I have laughingly referred to it as "Lookout Mall" since it's usually strewn with crap folks have dumped for whatever reason: couches, mattresses, entire furniture sets, and Lord only knows what types of hazardous waste.

Today I had to swerve to miss a Christmas tree.


Today being October 19th.

I'm serious.

I am as much a procrastinator as the next guy, probably moreso but....IT'S OCTOBER!  Someone just now is getting rid of their old dead Christmas tree?

They must live in a different reality.

I've decided "reality" is a subjective term...What's apparently real to me is not real to far more people than I wish to imagine, much less meet.

Yes, this idea was spawned by the realization that this nutjob "family" in Colorado apparently captured the media's attention (sorry I slept through that drama - if I can't fast forward past the commercials I don't watch it) by pretending their 6 year old kid was in some bogus weather balloon.  All this in hopes of landing a contract for a "Reality" TV show.


What reality are they in?

Are they in the reality that thinks the "Real" Housewives of____________ are ...."real" housewives?

I mean I never see these housewives taking out the trash or doing laundry or...well...being "real."

I've never seen them without make up much less making uncomfortable noises in the bathroom...not that I want to, I'm just sayin'....

My reality is not worth a sales pitch.  That may change though, one day some network may actually pay me to videotape my seemingly senseless chore of  washing three muddy dogs...that'll be compelling.

My reality is I have a dog that growls like Popeye...I'd post the video but in reality my SmartPhone is having a senior moment and I don't really want to sit here and figure it out.

My reality is I struggle to figure out why one car thinks the door is open when it rains and another decides the windows should stop working in wet weather ....Oh yeah, the windows only go down not up during thunderstorms.

My reality involves things like strange hairs growing in my ears faster than any other place on my body, and funky smells in the kitchen I can't seem to trace.

Pretending your kid is trapped in a makeshift duct-taped weather balloon?  Wondering if you got the right return on your $100,000 dollar kitchen makeover?  Having some commando come and redo your hair salon?

That's a different reality.

Time to face reality.
I'm never going to have a TV show.

A sitcom...well, that's a different story.