Friday, October 30, 2009

Dem Bones

Stream of consciousness...

Okay, so I'm writing news this morning for some radio stations in the Rio Grande Valley and there's a story about a guy who was hauled in by the feds on allegations he was making grenades at his house...makes you want to get out and meet your neighbors huh? Anyway, authorities also say they found "human and animal" bones at his home along with a blood stained shrine.  Charming.

So I'm expecting this is going to turn into another murder story when I discover that police say the suspect apparently bought many of the remains "legally over the Internet."

Yeah, I know nothing should surprise us about the Internet...but I really wasn't ready for:

Apparently this is not as ghoulish of an outfit as it sounds.  They provide legitimate specimens for schools, museums and "collectors."

The Brownsville Monitor quotes the founder of Skulls Unlimited as saying they get their "inventory" from "wherever we can get a legal supply"...including road kills.

That's for animals...for people bones, the prime choice is apparently Asia where there is not as much of a stigma to selling your dead relative's remains.

The quote I really love is this one: "Every culture is different, it would be taboo to sell grandma."

That should be of some relief to the Grandmothers out there.

Oh...almost forgot. This is the company's advertised "Special."

Gives a new meaning to the idea of getting a head start on your Christmas shopping.

Happy Halloween.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Be Careful Where You Sit

This may be the winner of the worst baby Halloween costume of 2009...

Monday, October 19, 2009


Stream of consciousness....

I drive home on the backroads when I can...I mean I hit the highway and then at the first feasible chance I find a way to get home where I'm not going to be frustrated by traffic.  Chalk it up to the fact that for more decades than I wish to count I've worked very early in the morning and the only thing I have contend with at that hour are drunks.  I'm used to drunk drivers...I can't handle the maniacs in regular traffic.

So I'm driving home today on a little used road by our home called "Lookout."   Amy and I have laughingly referred to it as "Lookout Mall" since it's usually strewn with crap folks have dumped for whatever reason: couches, mattresses, entire furniture sets, and Lord only knows what types of hazardous waste.

Today I had to swerve to miss a Christmas tree.


Today being October 19th.

I'm serious.

I am as much a procrastinator as the next guy, probably moreso but....IT'S OCTOBER!  Someone just now is getting rid of their old dead Christmas tree?

They must live in a different reality.

I've decided "reality" is a subjective term...What's apparently real to me is not real to far more people than I wish to imagine, much less meet.

Yes, this idea was spawned by the realization that this nutjob "family" in Colorado apparently captured the media's attention (sorry I slept through that drama - if I can't fast forward past the commercials I don't watch it) by pretending their 6 year old kid was in some bogus weather balloon.  All this in hopes of landing a contract for a "Reality" TV show.


What reality are they in?

Are they in the reality that thinks the "Real" Housewives of____________ are ...."real" housewives?

I mean I never see these housewives taking out the trash or doing laundry or...well...being "real."

I've never seen them without make up much less making uncomfortable noises in the bathroom...not that I want to, I'm just sayin'....

My reality is not worth a sales pitch.  That may change though, one day some network may actually pay me to videotape my seemingly senseless chore of  washing three muddy dogs...that'll be compelling.

My reality is I have a dog that growls like Popeye...I'd post the video but in reality my SmartPhone is having a senior moment and I don't really want to sit here and figure it out.

My reality is I struggle to figure out why one car thinks the door is open when it rains and another decides the windows should stop working in wet weather ....Oh yeah, the windows only go down not up during thunderstorms.

My reality involves things like strange hairs growing in my ears faster than any other place on my body, and funky smells in the kitchen I can't seem to trace.

Pretending your kid is trapped in a makeshift duct-taped weather balloon?  Wondering if you got the right return on your $100,000 dollar kitchen makeover?  Having some commando come and redo your hair salon?

That's a different reality.

Time to face reality.
I'm never going to have a TV show.

A sitcom...well, that's a different story.

A Head Start On The Week


Everything seems fine.

Still something appears to be just not right.

Gotta get my head on straight.

(AP Photo/Matt Dunham)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009