Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Welcome Back...Sanity

I have been overwhelmed lately...that's putting it mildly. Amy's health, my health, my job, our spiritual lives, life in general...I don't seem to be in a place I want to be.

I've been in this place before, albeit many years ago and I learned there is only one way to dig myself out, and that's through some radical change.

Some changes I can't speak of here because I need to finalize them. Some changes I've already made. More are coming.

Some 20 years ago I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, "This is not the man I want to be." At that point, I embarked on a process to change. It worked. I put my faith in God and abandoned most everything I knew in my life.

Each morning (if you can call 1 a.m. morning) these days I find myself looking in the mirror and saying much the same thing.

So I'm getting out.

Out of the life patterns that I feel are disingenuous, time consuming, and most of all not fulfilling my purpose in God's eyes.

Some of these changes are easy. I deleted my Facebook account, where I was spending far too much time doing too little. Staying in contact with people who for the most part play no role in my life today.

The others who are important in my life, I will reach out to individually.

The "creative" me is being resurrected. I think that's a key. My job, quite frankly, has become much like factory work. There's no creativity involved, no inspiration, but there's a paycheck. In these days the latter is important although certainly not something I worship.

Amy and I have been in discussions for some time about what is best for me, and her, and us. We haven't come to a conclusion (although Amy might have) but I know this much, I need to find outlets for my God-inspired talents.

I'm going to spend the next week or two in fasting and prayer.

Hopefully God will show me how best to utilize my abilities and find a place, be it physical, mental or spiritual, where I can serve Him and not simply kill time.

The upside, I suspect I'll be writing more...admittedly to some of you that may not be an upside.

I'm culling the crap...focusing on the future...and praying for guidance.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.