Saturday, October 06, 2007

Walking Back To The Truth I Know

I lead a very disciplined life in some ways...and an amazingly undisciplined life in others. At work, I am a linear thinker, I know what time it is at all times because I have regular deadlines which have to be met...usually there are several deadlines an hour.

I am completely undisciplined regarding sleep, exercise, laundry...well, let's not go too far down that road.

In any case, one of the things I am disciplined about outside of work is caring for Amy. We've made great strides with her health, but there are still things that are very overwhelming for her, and I try to be disciplined in being of some help keeping those things at bay.

One way I'm convinced will help her, and she agrees, is to get her to adhere to a regular schedule as much as possible.

Amy has good days and bad days and then there are days when life gets in the way of everyone's schedule. However on some good days, I think Amy may try to overcompensate for the previous bad days. The result is a cycle that doesn't work...I think we've both come to terms with the reality of that, but it's hard for her to change that pattern nonetheless.

My nagging her certainly doesn't help, and worrying about her makes her worry about me and then we're into this no one sleeps, everyone's worried thing which is truly comical.

So to cut to the chase, I haven't been as successful as I wish in helping Amy get disciplined about sticking to a schedule...or at least more of a schedule.

Over the past several weeks, heck maybe a couple of months now, this has been weighing on me a lot. I've done a lot of praying...a lot of talking to God.

In the past week or so though I decided I need to try something else.

I need to get "me" on a schedule.

So I've been prepping myself (we've had a few distractions this week which admittedly slowed me down) to return to the path that has always been the most successful for me.

That path includes walking every day, and a form of fasting - although it's really more adhering to a strict, yet simple menu of foods that has some Biblical basis - I'd mention its inspiration but I've been down that path too, and I still get emails from people who think I'm an expert and that would only be another distraction.

I usually adhere to these disciplines during the Lenten season, but I've come to believe I need to apply them to this season of my life.

Although I have been mentally prepping for this change, because it will be somewhat radical at first, in truth about the only real step I've taken is to put a new collection of songs on my tiny mp3 player which usually accompanies me on my walks.

I read a post from my friend Chuck this morning, which seemed almost like affirmation and it also reminded me of a time some years ago when Chuck was in a different season, and we exchanged a few emails sparked by something I wrote.

A lot of things have changed since then, but one thing hasn' need to always rely on God first.

I think I'm due for a refresher course.

So, I'm going to take the first steps this afternoon on what was once a very familiar path in hopes it will keep me a bit more disciplined in all things, including how best to love and care for my wife.

Oh, I'll still be talking to God, but I think I'm going to spend a lot more time listening to Him now...even if my little mp3 player is blaring away at the same time.

"Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." - Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)