Friday, September 21, 2007

Spiritual Steps, Spit and No Nose Wayne

I've been mulling over this concept of "doubt" recently and have something formulating I want to write however I'm going to hold off a day or so primarily because I think that needs to stand alone and not intermingled with assorted other stuff like the story of "No Nose Wayne."

Hold your horses, I'll get to "No Nose" in a moment and in truth you really shouldn't be in a rush because odds are you're going to wish you never heard the story. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I've got some other blog flotsam I wanted to clear out of my mental inbox too.

A co-worker pointed me to an interesting blog undertaking the other day called "LiveGentle." A writer named Matthew J. Dowd, the author of a book I found very interesting called "Applebee's America" is off on a spiritual trek...literally. Over a several week period he is traveling through Israel, India, Nepal, Turkey and elsewhere to, in his words, "walk in the paths of the major spiritual movements." He's blogging along the way. At this writing I don't think he's achieved enlightenment but he's only just begun.

I think it'll be interesting to follow him along his way.

There's some other spiritual fodder which I've neglected to mention lately like the "Healing tree" in Rio Grande City, Texas.

PHOTO CREDIT: Delcia Lopez

In short, a 92 year old woman died recently in that deep South Texas town and shortly thereafter some "ice like" stuff formed in the branches of an acacia tree in her yard. It drips what appears to be water and some folks think it's a sign from God.

I'm not one to argue. God has been less subtle in my life, but there's no telling how many more gentle things He attempted before giving me a swift kick. I would note that tree and bug "experts" scoff at the whole thing saying it's probably a "spittlebug" nest.

Yes, I had to find out about spittlebugs, although I had a pretty good idea how they got that name.

Apparently there are more than 20,000 types of spittlebugs, and most are real tiny.


And yes, they get their name because of the glop they excrete to make their nests which...well, it looks like spit.


If spittlebug spirituality leaves a bad taste in your mouth, you do have some other options which made the news lately, most notably the "Mother Mary Lemon."

PHOTO CREDIT: Ian McVea - Fort Worth Star Telegram

Yeah, I don't really see it either, but apparently a pool hall owner and his son in the North Texas town of Watauga were slicing lemons and his son saw that red spot and thought it looked like the Virgin Mary. Again, who am I to judge? It wouldn't be the first time God's message was delivered with a twist.

The Fort Worth newspaper's article on the lemon does have a precious quote from the pool hall proprietor, a Methodist married to a Baptist, who was asked what he might do with this possible fruit of the spirit, "Some people sell that stuff on eBay," he said. "It's a lemon slice, for God's sake."

Last I heard he stuck it in his freezer which I suppose might prove to be a good move should it actually be a message from God and he opted to ignore it. A frozen lemon slice might provide some momentary relief should God decide to seek retribution...and if Hell has its own form of eBay then I would think a frozen lemon slice of any form could really fetch a bundle.

Oh my, this is rambling on and I promised myself that I would take Amy out tonight so I better wrap this up.


Yeah, I don't want to leave you hanging in regards to "No Nose" Wayne, although remember I warned you it might not be pleasant.

First off, if you aren't familiar with my "Wayne Axiom" - note this used to be the "Wayne Theory" but I was convinced by my eldest child that axiom was a more appropriate term - you'll have to use the search function on the sidebar, but in a nutshell, I believe "most" people named Wayne are predestined to become criminals...usually serial killers. Again, I said "most" - there is an exception to every rule and or axiom - and if you want to know more use the search tool, I've got a "date."

So, in Lake Elsinore, California this week several men were arrested on charges that last month they kidnapped and beat up a woman before dumping her in Mexico. It's a story that is worthy of a very bad b-movie. The gist of it is that this woman's boyfriend, Donald Darcy Turk - really, I couldn't make this up if I tried - apparently got sick of dealing with her so he and his buddies came up with this plan to ditch her in Mexico. The scheme apparently wasn't fleshed out real well, but all the guys agreed at least on one point, the woman was a nag.

There's some dispute if she was actually kidnapped or if they all simply went to Mexico and got drunk and then the guys decided they'd leave her there. She says she was abducted and dumped, then convinced the police to drive her to the U.S. border and convinced a cab driver to take her home where she confronted Turk. He then left for a birthday party but not before writing a check to the cabbie.

One of the three guys has already confessed, but Turk and his other "buddy" are fighting the charges. Yes, the other buddy is "No Nose Wayne."

Actually his nickname is "No Nose." His real name is Robert "Wayne" Gardner.

How'd he get the nickname?

You really shouldn't have asked that...apparently R. Wayne Gardner had a run-in with someone else some time back who took great offense...and shot him.

And, um...after that the nickname was sort of inevitable.

PHOTO CREDIT: No one wanted to claim it

Hey, I warned you!

It's not like I didn't give you plenty of opportunities to avoid seeing him!

Heck, you could have taken off on a spiritual trek long ago. Instead you waded through spit and lemons to get here.

It's okay, we're all a bit nosy at times...sticking our noses where they don't time we'll nose better.

I'll stop now...I promise.

Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?