Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I Should Read More

I found my birth certificate the other day. Well, that's not completely accurate. I knew where my birth certificate was but the other day I put it with other documents that responsible people are supposed have together in one place instead of scattered about in sock drawers, or the "everything that can fit inside it basket" by the door, or the "everything that will fit plus some drawer" of my desk, and assorted other spots.

Today I pulled out my birth certificate and actually read it.

I've never had a reason to read my birth certificate before I suppose. I mean I know the basic facts and to the best of my knowledge none of them are in dispute.
When I sat down to write I realized there was one fact I didn't know, or maybe I did and long ago forgot, in any case I never thought it was that important. I still don't think it's important but now I do know what time of day I was born...the exact time, at least as recorded on my birth record.

Amy knows the time she was born, the time each kid was born, the time various nieces and nephews were born, and probably the time our dogs were spawned from the bowels of Hades.

She has a head for useless numbers, and a heart for evil little dogs.

Anyway, I was born at 12:29 a.m. That means I'm older than I thought. I sort of always assumed I was an afternoon kid, I don't know why. Now that I know I was born so close to midnight I feel like I should have lobbied to be born on New Year's Day.

I'd probably have had a good shot at being the first kid born in Washington DC in 1958 and received all sorts of prizes, scholarships, diapers, coupons for laundry detergent...the possibilities are endless. Of course I wasn't in a position to lobby anyone even though I was born in Washington D.C. and in any case my mother would have grabbed all the glory since she would have had to set a new world's record for human gestation and probably the record for keeping one's legs crossed as well.

Plus there's no telling what type of childhood I would have had considering the pent up resentment my mother would likely have had towards a child who extended her pregnancy by 66 percent. Odds are my Dad would find it hard to be pleasant to me too, considering he would have borne the brunt of my mother's wrath for those extra six months. So I was born in 1957...although if I had been born in Texas and tried to hold out until January I would have been born before midnight due to the time zone thing, which really would have ticked off my parents, and I'd probably hold a grudge too.

Yeah, I agree...that's probably about as far off on a tangent as I can take this concept without getting too ridiculous..."too" being a subjective term.

I beg your forgiveness...I'm getting old. In ten hours or so I'll be 50.

I think I should nap.

The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old. - Proverbs 12:29

Oh, alright you caught me...there is no verse 29 in Proverbs would have been cool if it worked out that way. That's Proverbs 20:29 for you sticklers.

Maybe I'll just tell folks I was born one minute before what it says on my birth certificate...

In the way of righteousness there is life; along that path is immortality.- Proverbs 12:28

I think I'll do that...I mean who's going to read my birth certificate to prove me wrong? It took me 49 years 12 hours and 30 some odd minutes...