Thursday, May 24, 2007

Tic Toc...Yet Another Clock

"Time is on my side" - The Rolling Stones

Actually, time and Blogger are working against me...but time is on my mind.

Blogger just added a feature that I can actually "auto saves" your posts while you're writing them...every 30 seconds or so.

Amazingly clever idea isn't it? How do those brilliant minds at Blogger dream up this stuff?

Oops, sorry I must have drifted off a little was like a dream world all my own.

I realize I'm being a little snotty toward Blogger since the new "auto save" feature would have come in real handy about 4 hours ago when for some reason Blogger locked up on me and I had to close my browser. Right then I thought, "Hey, how cool! For once even though Blogger has frozen up for absolutely no apparent reason this time I won't have lost everything I wrote!"

I was right too!

The new "auto save" feature saved...the title of my post.

The 500 or so words that followed...well, maybe the auto save feature has a snooze button...or now that I think about it, editorial judgment.

It is probably for the best, it gave me a reason to write a nasty post on the Blogger forums, and write this entire post from scratch which means I'm still not sleeping. Oh, I should mention that's a good least I think so.

You see I believe I have another sleep study tomorrow. I say, "believe" because I have two appointments written on the little card they gave me at the doctor's office prior to my first sleep study and I am not positive which is the follow up sleep study and which is simply a follow up doctor's appointment.

I'm working on the assumption that I'll be taking part in another sleep study, which means, like the first time, I'm depriving myself of sleep so that I can be certain I'll hit the bed snoring despite the torture inflicted by these somewhat sinister supposedly skilled slumber sadists specialists.

I actually did call my "sleep doctor" in hopes of clearing up my confusion, being sleep deprived and all. I thought it might be a good idea - odd as it sounds - to confirm my appointment, but then I remembered no one in the doctor's office actually answers the phone. Every time I call, no matter which "option" I choose, I always get some different person's voicemail, and no one ever calls me back. Trust me, I mean no one. I left a lot of messages...right now I think my best hope is that someone might break into their office and steal their phone system...and they'll be really polite.

I've only seen this doctor once and it took two weeks for the doctor's "appointment specialist" to return my call. I left a voicemail every day. I called to make sure she wasn't on vacation. I called to make sure she wasn't dead. I never did get an explanation, but then again it is a sleep center...maybe they have the phones turned off...maybe everyone takes really long naps. Then again I may be hallucinating from a lack of sleep...I did just have some type of vague recollection of doctors actually calling me to confirm appointments. How nutty is that?

Well, I'm not going to lose sleep over it...actually I suppose, I am...but it's deliberate.

It's also really trivial in light of the fact that THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO US!!!!!

Gee, I probably should have brought that up first thing huh? It's certainly a more compelling lead sentence, far more catchy than one line from an old Rolling Stones' song. By the way, I was going to include more lyrics from that tune until I read them. I know people say rap music is bad poetry, but believe me the early Stones weren't exactly writing Shakespeare.


My apologies again, I don't really mean to scream, then again it does help me stay awake.

Did you know there's this clock that's counting down to a major event that will effect all humanity?

Oops, wrong clock. That's probably my fault, lack of sleep and all that. That's the Doomsday clock, which I'm sure you're familiar with...a real little day brightener. I wonder if Blogger might consider making a cute "widget" for it, but that's not actually the clock I'm talking about.

The Doomsday Clock is simply predicting how close we are to the precipice of world-wide nuclear destruction. I'm not sure whether to hope that it's accurate or not...then again, presumably it's an atomic clock...I mean that would make sense.

See what happens when I get groggy?

Trust me, it's worse for me...especially since I can't fathom that anyone has read all this without dozing off by now.

Oh shoot! My bad again! I need to get to the point and put you out of your misery.

THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO US and there's a clock keeping track.

Okay, that doesn't make any sense at face value, but it's not due completely to the fact that I may very well be unconscious.

I should have let the expert explain it. The expert is this guy.

He looks wide awake doesn't he?

He's Steve Bassett:Political Activist. Sounds sort of like the name of a TV series that didn't last the season huh?

Steve's not on TV but he has a video on his website which I went to today after finding his press release wadded up in the bottom of the bag I take to the office each day. It had been down there since last month and I almost threw it away, until I remembered the clock. The website is for the Paradigm Research Group which I know is probably self-explanatory, but I was a little groggy and didn't quite know what that meant...but they've got a clock too.

Cool huh? It's the "Paradigm Clock!" Of course, you probably already figured that out since it says "Paradigm Clock" in the background.

Some of you keen observers - oh, who am I fooling, I'm not sure I'm even reading this anymore - might notice that the Paradigm clock is set to 11:59:45...fifteen seconds to midnight. The Doomsday Clock is set to six or seven minutes to midnight...or Greenland, depending on your viewpoint.

That's because the Paradigm clock is not predicting our doom! To quote the Paradigm Research Group, their clock is marking down the time to the "Disclosure."

That doesn't clear it up for you either?

Okay, the "Disclosure" will mark the end of a 60-year "truth embargo" imposed by federal authorities.

THE GOVERNMENT IS LYING TO US and we're within seconds of the "Disclosure."

I must admit that when I first read that the Paradigm Research Group had been waiting 60 years to finally be able to point toward Washington and say, "Some people there are liars" that it did seem like perhaps they had spent the past 60 years never listening to the radio, reading a newspaper, watching TV, or they had been blindfolded and held hostage by members of a militant wing of the Optimist club.

Then I realized I needed to learn more about Steve Bassett:Political Activist! I mean doesn't that name just scream action figure to you?

Obviously, you can't be a political activist and have your head stuck in the sand and indeed that proved true in Steve's case. Steve heads up a political action committee...which is predicting in 15 seconds of "Paradigm time" - the clock hasn't moved since over a year ago - the "truth embargo" will be lifted. The "Disclosure" will have arrived!

Oh, Steve's political action committee is dedicated to "exopolitics." Sorry, I'm too tired to look it up. The PAC is called X-PPac, which surprisingly has nothing to do with Windows XP.

But members of X-PPAC, X-PPAC Men I suppose you could call them, do believe that the window is finally going to be opened within mere seconds (Paradigm Standard Time seconds) and acknowledge "an extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race."

That's right, do I even need to write it? It's not's ET!

Now before you start thinking it's silly that there's an actual political action committee dedicated to the premise of the imminent revelation of a 60 year conspiracy to conceal an "extraterrestrial presence" engaging the human race, consider this:

You read this entire thing.

And I wrote it.

So, Steve Bassett:Political Activist and any X-PPAC men of the Paradigm Research Group who might happen by, personally I salute you.

We all need to dream...some of us more than others.