Hey, folks... it's Amy. I've hijacked Michael's blog tonight.
Michael is out driving. I'm not sure where, but I know why. I told him to leave. No, I didn't tell him to leave forever, but I DID tell him to leave. Why? Because I was angry. No need going into the details of "the fight," because the reason is irrelevant.
First of all, you need to know that Michael and I rarely fight. We have discussions, semi-heated discussions, and sometimes even minor arguments. But we don't blow up and have knock-down, drag-out fights. However, once or twice a year, we have "the big one." I honestly can only remember the reason for one of them and, in hindsight, it seems pretty stupid. So was this one. But tension is high (for reasons mentioned in Michael's previous posts), and we're hanging by our last nerves... and those aren't long for this world. Since the bulk of all or most of our stress has been focused on one or two things, it's only natural that we would "turn on each other" in the absence of that focus.
I had a bad health day today because of major Charlie-horse-type cramping all over my body that I've experienced the last two days. I feel like I've run a marathon, done 100 sit-ups, worked over my left calf with a baseball bat, and made hand-squeezed orange juice for a thousand people with my right hand. Needless to say, I didn't do much. It was hard walking up the stairs to write this. But I was drawn by a much more powerful force. I was compelled by something stronger than the pain, bigger than the "fight," and much more important than my stupid pride.
In 22 or 23 hours, Michael and I will have been married for 13 years. Yes, he's put up with me that long. I think his name should be thrown in the ring for sainthood. For 13 years, he's forgiven and forgotten. I cannot remember a time when he threw something from the past back in my face.
How stupid can I be? What was I smoking? I look back at the last 13 years and wonder where they went. It seems like only 13 days. I told the man that I love with every ounce of my being to "get out." I told the man that completes me to leave. I showed so much anger toward the most wonderful husband on the planet that I'm scared to death that he won't come back for quite some time. In my heart, I know he'll be home soon... after he's driven around for a while, sat someplace and thought, and he'll even come back and tell me he's sorry and that it's all his fault. But it's not. Sure, it takes two to tango and it takes two to argue. But I acted like a spoiled child and said things that no wife should say to her husband (no, I didn't curse at him... this time ;-)
In Ephesians we read about how to treat each other. Here is the passage from verses 2-33 (from "The Message"):
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, "not by domineering but by cherishing." So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church, a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor, since they're already "one" in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
Here's the thing... and wives, listen up! (Husbands, too, because you have the HARDEST job!) Every modern woman looks at submission as being a doormat. But the Bible is very clear about what submission means. Paul starts out by telling the church to submit to each other... to be "courteously reverent" to each other, out of respect for Christ.
He goes on to say the same thing about wives submitting to their husbands... just like they submit themselves to the Lord. We read that our husbands lead us the way Christ leads the church -- not by domineering, but by cherishing.
The hardest task belongs to our husbands. Love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it. "The Message" says, "go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church...a love marked by giving, not getting."
If a husband loves his wife like that, she can't help but respect, honor and submit to her husband.
That's how Michael loves me. He loves me more than the Spurs. He loves me more than computers and his blog. He loves me more than the Cowboys (that's kind of easy right now). He loves me more than anything on this planet. He goes ALL OUT in his love for me, exactly as Christ did for the church. He loves me in away that is marked by giving and not getting.
Michael, I don't have a card for you. I haven't completed the projects that I've promised to, but I WILL. I don't have anything special planned for the big "13." But I plan to be at your side as we worship. I plan to serve you communion and to be served by you. I plan to kneel with you by the fireplace and pray (it's your turn). I can keep those promises.
But here's one more promise, and you can take this one to the bank.
I love you, Mr. Main. For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. Forsaking all others, I will keep only unto you, for as long as we both shall live.
Happy anniversary, Darling.
"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." - Matthew 19:6