Friday, December 16, 2005

Decompressing Christmas

It's not a pleasant job...reporting the body count. Some people say it's unnecessary and only deflates our national pride, but I am a reporter and the's all around me.

I'm reporting from the front and my only agenda is to make sure you're not taken in by the hot air...the images you see may appear innocent...but they are mere mirages of the season of miracles. Do not put your trust in them...They are ineffective blowhards who are limp and risk leaving you deflated.

It's easy to be fooled - they start off sweet enough...cute inflatable Christmas decorations. Adorable air-filled Santas.

Perhaps a puffy polar bear...
The folks down the street from us have a snowman surrounded by Winnie The Pooh and a gargantuan soldier-like snow creature.

But they only mesmerize for a closely and you will see: these seemingly innocuous emblems of the season are temporary at best...these are in fact fallen idols.

As painful as this may be to hear - Santa and his posse are sadly sagging.

There's no way to avert our eyes from the reality...we're surrounded by deflated deities of crass Christmas commercialism.

They're everywhere! Our neighborhood is cluttered with - dare I say - the corpses of Claus!

Lee and I drove down our street and I swear we counted seven or eight Jolly Ol' Elves who now resembled the ill fated Wicked Witch of the West. I'm sure they too would have screamed,"Help me, I'm melting" but they lacked even the one last breath of a death rattle.

So sad. A silent passing...a whisper...a hiss...before being reduced to rubberized rubbish.

I fear I can only stand back...document the decay...

and wonder how long it will be before Christmas is sponsored by Cialis.