Friday, August 12, 2005

Two For One

"I just want it to be over," she sobbed as we left the doctor's office.

I tried to assure her one day it would be, but that day was like one of many...there was pain, and a growing sense of isolation. The doctor had no great revelations...he was a little disappointed but only because he wants Amy to not have to fight her emotions each day as well as her body's various rebellions.

We are better today than we were...physically. Spiritually I think we've both come to terms with the fact we are under siege. But we're here for the fight...which in truth for two years or more has primarily been a lonely battle.

No one really understands. Most folks don't want to be around people in pain or who require them to truly give of themselves. They give lip service and platitudes or offer ill informed advice...and we forgive them.

We've grudging come to terms with friends who deliberately find ways to shield themselves from our struggles. I don't blame them...they have their own worries...we've been there too.

Still such recognitions can be setbacks if we allow them entry into our hearts, so we must choose...harden our hearts or extend grace. Thank God for the model of grace.

The other night we lay in bed and I could see the pain...emotional pain...washing over Amy again.

I held her close and reminded her that we had dedicated this year to worshipping God.

We cried. We prayed. We thought about new ways we might find to worship.

And we remembered.

It's not as lonely of a fight that way.