Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Great! Another Addiction

Hi my name is Michael...I'm an addict.

There are lots of different types of addictions. I have a good friend who shall remain nameless (cough Gordon) who might qualify as a Coke addict -

Diet coke actually.

My penchant for addiction is no secret - from anyone...the people in my church, my co-workers, my family...including my children. I've battled some serious demons most of my life and believe me you don't beat them in secret. Mercifully with the grace of God and Amy's presence in my life, the harshest of those demons have been cast aside although I readily admit I am occasionally haunted by their lurid whispers.

I've done my best to keep them at bay - on occasion that has required help...if not restraints. Serious help from Amy and God - not necessarily in that order.

But I'm still an addict. I will always be one.

Personally I believe people either are addicts or they're not. Some folks can take a drink or two and never be tempted to have more...I know many. Some folks have never tried drugs of any form. It never crossed their minds.

I grew up in a different culture. I tried almost everything, and some things I tried over and over again.

Alcohol was by far the worst demon in my life. It was so pervasive and accepted. I drank far too much for far too long.

Not girlie drinks

I drank beer and became rather intimate with Bushmill's Irish whiskey for a while - I don't remember how long - I'm certain my liver could tell us...if liver's could talk...but that would probably require an hallucinogen I've already sworn off.

Then I quit.

For ten years I didn't drink a drop. When Amy met me and for close to ten years afterwards she never saw me take a drink. Then I began to hesitantly allow myself wine. I've managed to keep that under control...I may have become something of a wine snob, but I haven't been a drunk. Still I started feeling lately that I was allowing wine into my life too easily so I've put some new restrictions in place. I'll still have wine. I love wine - and it's not a girlie drink for those of you snickering - but I'm going to limit my wine drinking to when I take Amy out (we're likely be going out more often) or when we have friends over for a fine dinner - party at the Main's - or when we visit Amy's parents or other couple's who are also moderate wine enthusiasts. I still believe I can control my alcohol consumption, I simply think I want to make better use of my time.

I just realized that last statement is going come back to haunt me...so it goes.

Truth is, my worst addiction lately is television...not regular TV - we have cheap cable and there's nothing to watch - but DVD's. I succumbed to NetFlix until Blockbuster offered a better deal. Now Amy and I are watching TV shows that have been on for years but which we never saw before...they're delivered to us in the mail. We whipped through all the available seasons of "The West Wing" a program I thought I would hate - yet turned out to love. We zipped through "Arrested Development” and today we stuck in the first disc for the first season of "24."

Nearly four hours later I'm writing about my addictions only because the next four hours of "24" won't arrive in the mail until tomorrow.

I realize there are worse addictions and those of you who have and are battling them, believe me I in no way mean to belittle that struggle, truthfully I fight it in one way or another every day.

The bonus of DVD addiction though is that Amy and I usually watch these mindless TV programs together in bed.

After the past year where Amy spent so much time in the hospital and I spent so much time whining to God about Amy being in the hospital...this particular addiction...well it's pretty hard to beat.

Admittedly part of me cries out that this is not the most productive use of our time - the house could be cleaner clean, the bills could all be paid, I could do some serious writing that might earn money, or exercise, or walk the dogs...but in this stage of our lives...spending time together in bed...awake...well, to me this is an addiction which I'm not going to run off too fast.

Who knows, it might lead to new addictions...

I am addicted to you Amy...thank you for loving me.