Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A Clever Kid & Naked Golden Girls

I'm not big on awards. I suspect people in broadcast news - and for that matter print journalism - give out more awards than any other industry besides acting. I'll admit when I was younger and slightly less jaded it meant something to win an award. The news talk station I work for won a bunch of awards for years and years. We won local awards, state awards; big fancy national awards...all sorts of awards. I still have some of the plaques hanging in front the desk where I'm typing right now - it's not like there's any other place to put them.

At some point my boss realized that not only did all the awards we were winning not translate into pay raises, they in fact cost our department money because every submission required an entry fee. That meant the news department was spending more money which we figured actually lessened the chances of news department employees making more money. So we stopped entering award contests. As a result, we stopped getting plaques and gaudy statuettes. To the surprise of no one it did not result in us getting pay raises though.

Ganns at SuperBlessed gave out awards for Christian websites for a while...he may still, but he seems pretty busy these days with other things like making a living and feeding his family. I once won an award from him for most ludicrous Christian website or something like that which I considered very flattering...I still do. I didn't get a plaque or a statuette of a naked golden woman, but then again he didn't charge an entry fee either.

I'm not making that up by the way...some people give out statuettes of naked golden women. I've won several. The Press Club of Dallas hands them out every year to members of the media in Texas and I think several other states, who in turn pat each other on the back and write stories about themselves winning awards. The stories never mention the winners had to pay to enter the award contest and most fail to include photos of the actual awards because they are positively hideous and embarrassing...and "embarrass" might be considered a pun by some.

They are called "Katie Awards." I don't know who Katie is/was but the statuettes look like something straight out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

That's the front view of the "newer" awards. They were toned down a bit following complaints about the awards given out 10 or 15 years ago which were even worse - they didn't include the giant fig leaf and they made Barbie dolls look flat-chested. The rear view is also anatomically correct in addition to being the best description possible.

If you didn't know better you'd think the Katie awards were given to plastic surgeons or strippers.

Needless to say I don't keep any Katie awards at home...instead they gather dust in a closet at my office because no one wants to display them except the guys in the sports department whose motives are less than reverent.

Besides sports guys, the only person I've met who seemed covetous of a Katie award was a member of a construction crew remodeling our offices some years ago. He asked if I would mind if he "stole" one of the station's Katie awards. While I was at least pleased that he asked for permission to be a thief and I recognized that the awards were piled in a dusty heap in a walk in closet where no one could see them which could give the impression they had no value, I refused his request - primarily out of embarrassment for him.

He was disappointed with my decision. He thought a "Katie" would make for a perfect hood ornament for his classic Chevy.

One thing is certain: today's blog entry is not going to win any award because all I really meant to do when I sat down to type was mention the "Webby awards" which were handed out this week. The "Webby" is apparently the epitome of website awards - I think the winners might even receive cash instead of plaques or statuettes of a naked golden woman.

They hand 'em out in New York City at a fancy dinner and everything. I knew about the Webby awards, but as you might suspect by now I didn't really care about them. Today however I was reading about the Webby winner for "Personal Website." He's a 19 year old kid from Amarillo and his website is absolutely wondrous. It's simple; it's fun, and really quite brilliant. It's called and I guarantee you'll enjoy it. If not I'll give you your money back.

There are several things that make it unique, but primarily its charm is that it's made up completely of "writing" per se. In other words you can go to his website and not have to read an incredibly long diatribe about a relatively meaningless topic.

That being said, it also cements the reality in my mind that this blog would never be considered for a Webby, so you might as well click on his site.

But remember I've still got statuettes of naked golden women which I may make a fortune with one day...if I get into the hood ornament business. Plus I've probably increased by web traffic ten-fold today by writing the word "naked" so many times.