Thursday, December 02, 2004

The Air Is In Christmas

I don't care if it rains of freezes
'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.*

We're not big on outdoor Christmas decorations. We want to be, we simply don't succeed. The few times we've put up Christmas lights outside they've stayed up far too long...once Amy decided to "wrap" our trees in lights. They looked nice but they were a nightmare to try to unwrap when I finally got around to it in February or March. Eventually I figured a string of lights cost about a buck so I cut short my frustration with scissors.
Amy has bought outdoor lights on a number of occasions since. I've managed to come up with excuses for the past ten years or so not to put them up. I know that's sort of bah humbugish but we don't do that type of thing well and nothing is worse than poorly done Christmas lights. Plus it's a lot of work.

Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car

The new trend in our neighborhood is to have inflatable Christmas decorations.
This actually started last year when we had a sad looking Santa and Rudolph down the road which kept deflating, resulting in what periodically appeared to be Santa steer wrestling.

(click to enlarge)

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car

Now I notice there are inflatable decorations all over the neighborhood...virtually every imaginable Christmas icon that you can fill with hot air - Santas, Christmas trees, and polar bears.

Some of them look very nice...some seem to have a hard time dealing with the wind, the rain, or local kids who lack the ability to resist temptation...or perhaps they suffer from inflation dysfunction. In any case I often see them flattened like run over Macy's day parade rejects.

Considering the number of hunters in this part of the woods I wouldn't be surprised if a few didn't fall victim to a six pack fueled shotgun blast actually.

I'm sure the folks who bought them thought they would be easy decorations to maintain. I suspect many of them have changed their minds now.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car

They are everywhere though. I counted at least 20 while walking the other day.

I haven't seen an inflatable Jesus yet.

I know He's coming though...of course I don't know when.

You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're traveling far.

*Original "Plastic Jesus" lyrics by Eddie Marrs although many folks have added their own verses over the years.