Thursday, July 29, 2004

Painful Prayer

Amy's procedure was uneventful; it took less time than expected. I was able to get off work, run home and make it to the hospital with only moments to spare. Still I had time to hold Amy's hand, pray over her, and also speak with the Radiologist in charge. He was intent on telling me every conceivable thing that could go wrong, "but probably wouldn't." I'm not sure why he felt compelled to do that, Amy had signed all the release forms which said all the same things, but I've seen other doctors do likewise. Surely in medical school that's something they teach you not to do... "Bedside Manner 101"

For the record, if I'm ever about to go under the knife I'd prefer not to be administered a dose of worst case scenarios prior to receiving serious drugs...after the drugs are flowing the doctor has the green light to wax on as gloomily as he or she pleases..

Anyway, after that discussion, I prayed a little more and was ushered out.

I spent the rest of the day in the hospital room.

Amy's surgical pain is more than she expected. I suspect it's made worse by the fear that the pain will linger. I hope that fear is unfounded.

I can honestly say there are few more horrible feelings than when you are watching someone you love in pain and you know that you are powerless to do anything about it.

For a while Amy did manage to doze off.

I stood at her bedside and prayed as she laid still.

I know it is when I am at my most helpless that I feel closest to God.

I hope God will forgive me for today I felt closer than I wanted to be.

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