Tuesday, January 06, 2004


We're doing the doctor dance today.

We have fallen back off the radar of Amy's surgeon so, after a series of phone calls yesterday to bust through the apparent genetic malaise of his office staff, today we're going for a visit. He's indicated he may put her in the hospital again, but we'll see.

Amy has been a trooper, but she's had a recurring fever for weeks now. She still is unable to eat without pain which was what started this saga. She still is hooked up nightly to a bag of liquified food delivered intravenously.

While Amy has endured all this for months...with dignity, I have perhaps at best become slightly more adaptable only due to the chronic nature of it all. I remain unconvinced we've ever gotten an accurate diagnosis of her problem. I am certain that the "cure" has caused her additional and, in my mind, unnecessary discomfort.

In truth, I keep my rage in check only because I don't know who to direct it toward.

The nebulous nature of all this is what's frustrating. If we had a definitive diagnosis I think we could suffer through it all more easily.

There is a lesson in all this which I'm sure in time I will see.

Today though, I will admit it does not seem like a lesson worth learning.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller