Friday, June 13, 2003


I could see the storm clouds gathering for the past few hours. I just finished mowing the yard, rushing to get my work done before forces of nature beyond my control blocked me.

I am and have always been cautious. I was the kid who checked to see how shallow the waters were before diving in or letting any of my friends plunge into their depths. I am the adult who often says "but what if" after someone offers a moment of spontaneity. I make no apologies for this, it has served me well. I didn't break my neck diving into ponds and quarries when I was young. Nor did any of my friends. I have managed to earn a modicum of respect from people of influence in my workplace because, in what is often an atmosphere dictated by the freefall of the moment, I sometimes can offer a more thoughtful and forward thinking perspective.

Yet at times I hate myself for this....because it is based, in part, on "fear". Fear of what's ahead. What may be.
20 years ago I thought I was in love. That marriage fell apart quickly. It deserved to. It had no foundation and the participants weren't willing to work at propping it up.

When I met Amy, about 10 years ago, her 13 year marriage had just collapsed.

It happened in different decades, but it was the much the same for both of us. Our comfortable worlds shredded. Uncertain futures ahead...fear was present in our lives.

Today I could not fathom my life without Amy. I love her deeply. I am "in love" with her as well.
I succeeded this afternoon in "beating the storm". As I was scrambling to make my last pass in the backyard with the lawnmower, sweat pouring off of me thanks in equal parts to the humidity and my lack of conditioning, the sky darkened.
The leading edge of the storm arrived.

But there was no rain. No lightning. No thunder. No hail.

Only cool winds.

Horizons always melt. I should fear them less.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord , and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.