Tuesday, May 20, 2003


Still in a post-Spurs fog. The NBA will hopefully issue a mandate never to allow another game like last night's to take place. Nearly 100 fouls make for a very long game...and a very boring game. There were more whistles last night than are heard at construction sites next to the Playboy mansion.


The "terror alert" has been raised again. We're back to "Orange". Faithful readers of this blog (both of you) may recall that an "Orange Alert" doesn't inspire any new level of fear for me. Really there are no fruits which frighten me, with the possible exception of Richard Simmons and even he isn't that scary.

"Orange Alert" sounds like it should be the name of a soft drink marketed to truckers or teen boys who want to stay up all night playing video games.

Since I am certain I'm not alone in my "orange alert ennui" I've taken it upon myself to help the government heighten the public's respect for "orange" by finding a face to put on these Orange Alerts which drives home the gravity of the situation:


I read today that the government is working on a way to identify terror suspects by "the way they walk". We're really spending money on this? I can see it now, a government agency devoted to watching people walk. Actually now that I think of it, I have seen it. In a Monty Python skit!

Oh well, the fog and my mood are lifting. Time for my daily walk. If anyone from the government is watching I hope they're listening too. As I wheeze and wobble around the neighborhood, I'm planning to sing a little ditty:

(Sung to the tune of "Yankee Doodle")

Orange is the color of
So many things I see.
Would you like to sing a little
Orange song with me?
Orange juice and orange cheese,
Orange carrots, if you please.
Orange pumpkins, orange leaves,
Let's sing a song of orange!