Monday, March 10, 2003

Well hopefully the very fascinating Main Point "blog" will be back on line sometime today. So I'm really writing for my own amusement now, since this can't even be published. How sad is that? At least prior to this I had the illusion someone would read what I wrote... oh well.

Clear Channel Shareholders mull suit

(Undated)-Shareholders of Clear Channel Worldwide are mulling a lawsuit as a result of what they term "legal bottom feeders" seeking to profit from the Rhode Island nightclub fire tragedy.

"I've suffered great emotional distress", says Bob "Wayne" Guthrie, a stockholder who is one of the early potential plaintiffs in the case. Guthrie says he opted to consider legal action "after reading reports of trial lawyers hoping to solicit clients by dangling the bait of suing the deep pockets" of Clear Channel Worldwide. "Even though the lawyers admit Clear Channel had virtually no role in this tragedy, they say they're going to sue the company because it has lots of money". Guthrie says after reading the reports he had to seek psychiatric counseling, "it makes no freakin' sense to me but all these other people apparently think it's logical, so I must be crazy". Guthrie says he has suffered from loss of sleep and has been forced to take medication to quell his desire to "throttle every dang lawyer I see".

Guthrie says he's being joined in considering a lawsuit by several other shareholders including Dan "Wayne" Walthers. "I think the lawyers owe me something for my trauma" says Walthers, "I've watched my stock portfolio tank for two years and now these sharks rise out of the pond scum!".

Legal experts say the potential suit is tenuous, "It's difficult to sue sleazy lawyers because you have to find a reputable lawyer willing to sue them", says Professor Fredrick Wayne Hitzniner at Pleugerville State University, "reputable lawyers are not easy to find".

"I think these legal bottom feeders should be forced to recognize the harm they've caused me and my family", says Walthers. "They're money thieving hands are all over this and its time we take them out of our pockets".

The San Antonio broadcasting giant Clear Channel has not been named in any suit stemming from the Rhode Island tragedy, but recent articles in the Boston Globe indicate several trial lawyers hope to include the company in future action. "It seems to me they're just trolling for potential clients by saying they'll sue a big fish like Clear Channel", says shareholder Michael "Wayne" Main. " Main says he's suffered night sweats and had a bad taste in his mouth since the reports surfaced. "I feel like I've been forced to swallow so much cow dung my eyes are going to turn brown" says the blue-eyed Main.

The potential plaintiffs say they plan to seek damages "in the billions".